Mother's Day first
By David Wilcox / The Citizen
AUBURN - This Mother's Day will mark the first that Linda Townsend spends with her 39-year-old daughter.
Photo provided
After years of searching and frustration, Marne D'Augustino and her mother, Linda Townsend, were reunited.
After years of searching and frustration, Marne D'Augustino and her mother, Linda Townsend, were reunited.
About two weeks after Townsend gave birth to Marne D'Augustino on April 25, 1970, she surrendered her newborn daughter for adoption. The choice was made for her, said Townsend, who was 26 at the time. In the absence of the child's father, Townsend's own father acted to follow social norms and to spare his family embarrassment, she said. Giving up his grandchild was not a concern.
Though Townsend acquiesced to avoid the misery she saw coming were she to defy her father, the decision to surrender her child - whom she named Julianna - caused her suffering anyway.
“It was very surreal for a while afterward. There was a lot of crying and I didn't know how I should feel,” Townsend said. “I just knew that part of me was gone.”
Every April 25 brought with it heightened heartache for Townsend. Her anxiety over surrendering her child was amplified a few years afterward, when Townsend was diagnosed with uterine cancer and administered a hysterectomy.
“I knew keeping her would be a mistake, but I was concerned that giving her up would be a worse one,” Townsend said.
Meanwhile, Julianna was growing up in the Rochester suburb of Greece. Her adoptive parents gave her the name Marnell, which combines the initials of her grandparents.
D'Augustino learned she was adopted when she was 8 years old. A decade later, she took advantage of her legal right to search for her birth mother by registering with the state's adoption services. Years of pursuing the state's channels for investigation proved fruitless, and D'Augustino learned little more than Townsend's age at the time of the birth.
Witnessing the efforts of fellow adoptees to track down their birth parents refined D'Augustino's expectations for her own reunion.
“In a way, I'm glad it took as long as it did,” D'Augustino said. “It was a great outlet for me to learn what to expect and I'm glad I had that time to prepare myself for the reunion.”
The search yielded success once D'Augustino discovered Kinsolving Investigations, a private service that specializes in reuniting family members divided by adoption. She filled out her contract requesting the firm's help on a Monday in May 2008 and was notified that it had found Townsend the following Wednesday.
But before D'Augustino made contact, she solicited Kinsolving's advice about doing so. She sought answers about her lineage, her grandparents and the name she was given at birth. Though realistic enough not to expect the instant forging of a mother-daughter bond, D'Augustino had hoped for “some kind of relationship,” she said.
She added, “It's a huge emotion - you're putting everything right on the line and it could be dashed in one phone call, or you could get your dream and be reunited.”
After a few days of meditating on the possibilities, D'Augustino called her mother. Townsend picked up the phone to hear the voice on the other end request that they discuss a personal matter. Led to believe she was being pestered by a telemarketer, Townsend became dismissive. Then D'Augustino told Townsend the day she was born. She listened to her mother gasp, then weep.
“I said, ‘Oh my God, you're my daughter,'” Townsend said.
Over the next hour, Townsend learned about her daughter's childhood, that she married her high school sweetheart, Jeff D'Augustino, and that she gave Townsend an 8-year-old granddaughter, Angelina.
The reunited pair arranged their first meeting, in Auburn, shortly after Mother's Day last year.
“As soon as I opened the door and looked in her face, there was no doubt in my mind that she was my daughter,” Townsend said.
D'Augustino had compiled a scrapbook of her life for Townsend, and Jeff found his own gift in going to Auburn's Bass Pro Shops. On subsequent visits to Auburn, the couple was accompanied by Angelina, who coaxed her new nana into the Holiday Inn pool. Townsend, in turn, taught her granddaughter to curtsy to the “king” at a gathering of the Society for Creative Anachronism, a historical reenactment group to which Townsend belongs.
Over the past year, Townsend has communicated with D'Augustino often and seen her every couple months. No matter the closeness of her relationship with her daughter, Townsend feels her most dire need has been met.
“I can truly die a happy woman because I know my daughter's OK,” Townsend said.
Since her second e-mail to Townsend, D'Augustino has felt comfortable calling her ‘Mom.' She draws inspiration from her successful reunion as she assists fellow adoptees in New York state search for their birth parents.
“I'm very blessed,” D'Augustino said. “I keep looking forward to building a relationship with my mom.”
Though Townsend acquiesced to avoid the misery she saw coming were she to defy her father, the decision to surrender her child - whom she named Julianna - caused her suffering anyway.
“It was very surreal for a while afterward. There was a lot of crying and I didn't know how I should feel,” Townsend said. “I just knew that part of me was gone.”
Every April 25 brought with it heightened heartache for Townsend. Her anxiety over surrendering her child was amplified a few years afterward, when Townsend was diagnosed with uterine cancer and administered a hysterectomy.
“I knew keeping her would be a mistake, but I was concerned that giving her up would be a worse one,” Townsend said.
Meanwhile, Julianna was growing up in the Rochester suburb of Greece. Her adoptive parents gave her the name Marnell, which combines the initials of her grandparents.
D'Augustino learned she was adopted when she was 8 years old. A decade later, she took advantage of her legal right to search for her birth mother by registering with the state's adoption services. Years of pursuing the state's channels for investigation proved fruitless, and D'Augustino learned little more than Townsend's age at the time of the birth.
Witnessing the efforts of fellow adoptees to track down their birth parents refined D'Augustino's expectations for her own reunion.
“In a way, I'm glad it took as long as it did,” D'Augustino said. “It was a great outlet for me to learn what to expect and I'm glad I had that time to prepare myself for the reunion.”
The search yielded success once D'Augustino discovered Kinsolving Investigations, a private service that specializes in reuniting family members divided by adoption. She filled out her contract requesting the firm's help on a Monday in May 2008 and was notified that it had found Townsend the following Wednesday.
But before D'Augustino made contact, she solicited Kinsolving's advice about doing so. She sought answers about her lineage, her grandparents and the name she was given at birth. Though realistic enough not to expect the instant forging of a mother-daughter bond, D'Augustino had hoped for “some kind of relationship,” she said.
She added, “It's a huge emotion - you're putting everything right on the line and it could be dashed in one phone call, or you could get your dream and be reunited.”
After a few days of meditating on the possibilities, D'Augustino called her mother. Townsend picked up the phone to hear the voice on the other end request that they discuss a personal matter. Led to believe she was being pestered by a telemarketer, Townsend became dismissive. Then D'Augustino told Townsend the day she was born. She listened to her mother gasp, then weep.
“I said, ‘Oh my God, you're my daughter,'” Townsend said.
Over the next hour, Townsend learned about her daughter's childhood, that she married her high school sweetheart, Jeff D'Augustino, and that she gave Townsend an 8-year-old granddaughter, Angelina.
The reunited pair arranged their first meeting, in Auburn, shortly after Mother's Day last year.
“As soon as I opened the door and looked in her face, there was no doubt in my mind that she was my daughter,” Townsend said.
D'Augustino had compiled a scrapbook of her life for Townsend, and Jeff found his own gift in going to Auburn's Bass Pro Shops. On subsequent visits to Auburn, the couple was accompanied by Angelina, who coaxed her new nana into the Holiday Inn pool. Townsend, in turn, taught her granddaughter to curtsy to the “king” at a gathering of the Society for Creative Anachronism, a historical reenactment group to which Townsend belongs.
Over the past year, Townsend has communicated with D'Augustino often and seen her every couple months. No matter the closeness of her relationship with her daughter, Townsend feels her most dire need has been met.
“I can truly die a happy woman because I know my daughter's OK,” Townsend said.
Since her second e-mail to Townsend, D'Augustino has felt comfortable calling her ‘Mom.' She draws inspiration from her successful reunion as she assists fellow adoptees in New York state search for their birth parents.
“I'm very blessed,” D'Augustino said. “I keep looking forward to building a relationship with my mom.”
There are 4 comment(s)
Kinsolving wrote on Sep 9, 2009 1:54 PM:
t.j.franklin@hotmail.com wrote on May 11, 2009 6:40 AM:
It is my hope that one day New York State passes legislation making it law that adoptions are open. It is very hard to find answers when adoption records are sealed. "
jssk61806 wrote on May 10, 2009 11:01 PM:
anonymous wrote on May 10, 2009 11:34 AM: